If only I could love you less
by everythingstydia
Summary: After 4x04, Stydia, after Stiles wasn't there for her.
1. Chapter 1

_**Waiting for reviews! :33**_

"So, you're sure we're all on it?" Scott asked for the hundredth time.

"Scotty," Lydia said, still going through her locker. "I've told you a million times now, yes. And I told you that you, all of you," She looked at Kira, Malia and Stiles now too. "Can come over later and see it for yourself."

Stiles shook his head.

"I can't be there. I'm human."

Lydia didn't say anything. She just kept looking for her math notes in her locker, surrounded by the pack. Banshee has been avoiding Stiles since the night of the full moon. She figured it was for the best, since she had a breakdown and he was with Malia at the time, not with her. Not that she blamed him, but she still couldn't stop sinking feeling in her stomach, so she figured it was for the best.

"Uhm…Lydia?" she heard a voice from behind her. Voice she didn't recognize. She turned around to see who owned it and so did her friends.

It was Mason, she remembered him. The freshman, who was there with Lydia in the room, when she spilled wine all over her carpet and had a completely crushing breakdown.

"Oh, hello." She greeted him, giving him a friendly smile.

"So…" he swayed on his feet, looking like he didn't quite know if it was okay to talk to her in front of her friends. "First of all, I wanted to say I'm sorry, for not bringing the soda…" He smiled shyly.

Everyone except Lydia changed looks, since none of this made sense to them. How could it, she didn't tell anyone about what happened before Kira found her, staring at wall.

"It's really fine. And I am sorry if I scared you." Lydia responded politely, adding a little laugh at the end.

Then she noticed the weirdest thing. Stiles, who was standing on her left shifted closer to her, like protecting her with his whole body, but nobody noticed that, and Lydia herself thought that he really just didn't realize what he was doing.

And here it was again. That feeling. Crushing and tearing her apart, a little jealousy, but mostly sadness. She took a little breath, controlling herself, since were-coyote and a True alpha was so close.

"Yeah, and um…" Mason scratched the back of his neck. "Are you okay?"

Well, Lydia saw that one coming…

"Yes. Seriously, thanks Mason. All good."

"Cuz you didn't seem..allright. Well you know, at the party. So, I just wanted to make sure you're better now."

Lydia pressed her book closer to her chest, wanting to get out of here and upcoming pile of questions.

"I'm all okay now. Better, and..normal." she smiled again.

Freshman just nodded, murmured "Okay then, see ya." And walked away.

"What the hell was that?" Stiles immediately asked, looking down at her, curious and confused.

Lydia just shook her head and closed her locker.

"Nothing, don't worry about it. See you in class."

"Hey, Lydia!" Scott grabbed her arm gently, as she tried to walk away. Black pain went through his veins and it was visible to everyone.

She quickly pulled her arm away and looked apologetically at her friend.

"Oh my God, sorry Scott, I just…I'm just tired. Seriously, didn't sleep well, that's all. Later, bye!"

And she quickly walked away, leaving the pack confused and thinking about what just happened.

_Stiles didn't go after her. _

"What the hell…" she said to herself going downstairs. She was wearing just her dad's old jersey and she was bare feet.

She was surprised when heard a doorbell rang, since her mother wasn't supposed to be back until late night.

When she shoved her door open, she saw a familiar face of a tall boy with hazel eyes.

"Hey, Lydia. Wow…"

_"__Did he just check me out?"_ Lydia thought. It was obvious he tried not to look at her legs, and how short the jersey was.

"I was..can we talk?"

She hesitated at first but then moved to let him the house, and closed the doors.

"To the kitchen…" she motioned awkwardly.

Lydia sat on the chair, and she was kinda hoping he will sit too, but instead he moved close to her, making her feel uncomfortable, now that his smell and warmness was so close, she could feel it on her face.

"What happened at the lake house?"

"You know what happened." She answered, turning her gaze away from him. "I was upstairs, banshee thingy came up, and I found the dead pool. Not much."

"No, what was that douche talking about?"

"Hey." She looked right into his eyes now. "He's not a douche, and he's really smart for a freshman. And he was a…friend to me that day, so don't say things you don't know."

Stiles raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, that was…something of a reaction. And no, Lydia, I don't know, that's why I'm asking you what happened."

She couldn't take it anymore so she stood up and freed herself from his embrace.

"Nothing, Stiles, I was tired, there maybe was one tear here and there, he was there to tell me that things are going to be fine. That's it."

Stiles frowned and took a step towards her.

"Why didn't you…-" and then he stopped himself.

"What? Were you going ask me why I didn't call you? Because I don't need to answer that. And I'm too exhausted for another pile of tears." She said the last part quietly, hoping he wouldn't hear.

But of course, he did.

"So that's what you've been doing? Crying and sobbing, and _not calling me_?"

"No, Stiles, I know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone, okay? And if Malia was better at recognizing emotions, I would probably be without an arm or a leg by now." Lydia blurted.

"Wait, what?" he asked, really confused now.

"Nothing…"

"Stop saying that."

"Okay, what do you want me to say? That I'll call you next time I have a breakdown? Cause I won't. "

"What is the matter?"

She sighed, not knowing where to start. She took a little step closer to him and took his both hands with her tiny ones.

"I'm sorry I'm bitchy again. But I can't tell you more, I…" she suddenly couldn't say anything, because she couldn't get her gaze away from his lips. She remembered kissing them once and it was torture now, now that that feeling of his lips belonged to someone else, even if it didn't belong to her in the first place.

"Okay…" he said closing his eyes for a brief second. "Can you just tell me if you're okay now?"

"No…" Lydia whispered.

"Why?"

"Because I really want to kiss you. And it's not my place to do that."


	2. Attention

_**I am so sorry for the late update on "If only I could love you less". **_

_**Second Chapter will be released tonight! **_

_**Love you all.**_


	3. Chapter 3

"What?!"

Lydia immediately took a step back, eyes open wide and embarrassment spreading in her cheeks.

"Oh my… Uh, okay. That was…you know, don't worry about it, it just came out, so…"

Stiles stared at her, emotions all over his face. Most of it was surprise.

"You know, it's late. Maybe you should go. Or I can go, you know."

She started spinning around her kitchen, like trying to find things for her escape. Girl was so deep in panic over what she had just said, trying so hard not to look at Stiles again, whose wide eyes seemed even dark chocolate in the shadow.

"Lydia, you live here."

"Yes, I'm aware of that, thank you."

He stood there, not really sure what to do. Inside, Stiles felt torn, he wanted to come closer, to be there for her, especially when she said all those things. But he also knew, that letting her have that kind of power over him was nowhere near healthy.

"Lydia? Seriously, stop spinning around and answer me."

His voice was steady, although his hands were trembling just a little, as he took one little step closer to look her in the eye.

"Do you like me?" He asked forwardly.

Then Lydia's eyes met his. They were a little watery, but still so beautiful. Now, with no proper light, her green eyes actually turned to grey, but Stiles still couldn't escape her look, like it was addicting.

_"__Do you like me?"_ She echoed.

"Wow, okay." Now he was really shaken, and took a few steps back, away from her broken little figure. "I can't do this right now, I have a girlfriend, this amazing girl, who is waiting for me, and and you just. You can't drop this kind of bomb on me. You have…no right to do that." While he was rambling she just kept nodding, chaining herself not to race to him. "I…okay, that's it I gotta go."

He clumsily turned around, just to crash his head into a wall.

"Damn it!"

"Oh my God!" She yelped and ran to him. "Are you okay?"

"Nooo…." He groaned, taking his head in his palms.

"Okay okay, sit down, I'll get you some ice."

She pushed him to the chair and opened the freezer for ice.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

She stopped getting ice and peeked at him with a little frown.

"I'm..getting you ice."

"No…" he whined again, his hands still on the place where he hit the head.

"I'm talking about you wanting to kiss me."

She took his hand without saying anything, and put ice on the bruise.

"You hit your head." Lydia smiled.

"You don't get to deny it, beautiful." Stiles said quietly.

She looked straight in his eyes, as he gripped her hand in his tighter.

"Stiles, I was…in the moment."

He tilted his head a little, getting a fuller image of her face.

"How long have you been in the moment?" He asked.

She sighed and turned her eyes away.

"For a while."

He wasn't happy with this answer.

_"__How long is a 'while', Lydia?" _

"I don't even remember, Stiles, okay? It's fine, you're with Malia."

"I am…" He said sleepy, eyes getting heavier and heavier. "I am with Malia, Lydia."

She looked at him again, pulling her eyebrows together. Stiles just held her hand, tightly, eyes closed.

"Oh my God. You're going to doze out, aren't you?"

"Shh…" He murmured suddenly pulling her uncomfortably closer and lowering his head on her shoulder.

"Stiles? _Whatcha doing?"_

"Can you just…shush…? I have terrible headache, okay?"

"Because you hit your head." She pointed out, but started running her fingers through his dark hair.

After a minute she was sure that Stiles was asleep already. She didn't move a millimeter, saving his sleep. His breathing was even, Lydia predicted that his lips were probably a little parted. But his grip around her waist was still firm.

Then she heard phone buzzing from his pocket.

"Damn."

Lydia carefully took the phone out, trying not to wake him up.

And then she saw who was calling.

**MALIA**

Lydia felt a little panicky. Maybe it was best to just put the phone back, or on the table. Not answer the phone, just pretend that Malia's boyfriend's head wasn't on her shoulder, and he wasn't sleeping in her embrace.

But of course she didn't do the easy or probably smart thing.

_"__Hello, Malia…?"_


End file.
